Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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