i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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