He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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