Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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