wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
