sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
