I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
