FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
