that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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