Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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