I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm always down for nudity.
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