your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
