would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
