i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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