my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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