there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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