just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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