You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Randomize
