Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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