apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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