eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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