Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
it was like eating out sand paper
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
