That's intense
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
