Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
