I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
