Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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