When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
