i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
