Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
