The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
