So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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