dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
