i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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