I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
