A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
