How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
