I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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