They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
