Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You need a sexual gate keeper
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
