and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
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