i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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