haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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