wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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