Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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