i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
