My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
