This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
