Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
