great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
