My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
