i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Randomize
